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war declaration
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2001-03-31
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65 lines
Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who
to invade when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice says.
"This is Paddy, down in County Kildare, Ireland. I am ringing to
inform you that we are officially declaring war on
you!!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replies, "this is indeed
important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Paddy after a moments'
calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next
door neighbor Gerry and the entire dominoes team from
the park - that makes 8!"
Saddam sighs. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 1
million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rings back.
"Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have
managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Saddam
asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and
Murphy's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighs. "I must tell you, Paddy, that
I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armored
personnel carriers, and my army has increased to 1 and a half
million since we last spoke."
"Begorra!" says Paddy "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.
"Right, Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have
managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified out
Ted's ultra light with a couple of rifles in the
cockpit and the bridge team has joined us as well!"
Saddam is silent for a minute, then sighs. "I must
tell you, Paddy, that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20
thousand MiG-19 attack planes, my military complex is
surrounded by laser guided surface-to-air missile
sites, and since we last spoke, my army has increased
to 2 million."
"Faith and begorra!" says Paddy, "I'll have to ring
you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day.
"Right, Mr. Hussein, I am sorry to tell you that we
have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," says Saddam. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we've all had a chat and there's
no way we can feed 2 million prisoners."